I always found it amazing how one human being can completely envelope him self into another person. It is as if the relationship creates the person as opposed to the person creating the relationship. I suppose the reason I find it so amazing is because I am one to do that. 'They' say this happens when people truly fall in love and mold into one another. I however am not referring to a romantic love but a genuine love for another person. In which I completely lose myself with that person. Why is that? Why is it that suddenly I lose my preferences and nerve? It is as if you are pouring water into the ocean. Can you differentiate between which was the water in the glass and which was already there? It is an impossible feat.
I am my own person. With my own thoughts, emotions, opinions, flaws and talents. And yet I feel this dependency on others. Each year I begin saying to myself this is not going to happen again. This time I won't allow anyone to over ride who I am. Does that usually happen? Unfortunately, no. However now that I am in a new area of my life I am somewhat left without a choice. I came to college and here are hundreds of people who know nothing about me. They have no preconceived notions of who I am or who I should be. Some may see going into a new place knowing no one is scary. I have chosen to look at it as an opportunity.
I am who I am, there is no need to hide that. No longer can I sit in fear of what another may think of me. Who am I ultimately hurting by not being true to myself? Me. And because I have been able to place myself aside for as long as I have I do not even have a clear understanding of who I Am any more.
But what truly makes a person? The essence of a person does not consist of characteristics, talents and abilities, dislikes and so on. Rather who a person is, is how they think. How one thinks decides their heart and ultimately their actions. My thinking may not make sense to some, may be boring to others, completely agree with another group of people or could express the words one may never have had the ability to say.
I am who I am for a reason. As cocky as it may sound hiding it will only negatively affect those that need me.
No longer will I run and hide myself behind someone else. I will stand as I am. What a liberating feeling it is too.
from my observations, you have always been independent, but i think there has always been this part of you that holds back. my guess is that your past experiences influenced that. i can kind of understand what your saying when you say you are glad to be in college, and to be known for you. thats why i went to a college far away, where no one knew me or my family. i wanted my friends to love me for who i am. so far its worked out well :)
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